Squaw Bay … Do you remember … ?

Saving bones for the dogs

The employees’ lounge and the TV (that weren’t!)

Writing on the calendar when Jerry got up for the butter

Splitting a roll or a donut

Saunas after work

Too-early  mornings

Tracy getting lost in the fog while driving her boat to work

Waterskiing with Floridian Roger Smith and his awesome boat and slalom ski (and he could barefoot)

Scrubbing the black rubber floor mats and the kitchen floor on Saturday mornings, kneeling on towels with our buckets and scrub brushes and towels

Splitting tips

Baseball games after work

The tire tracks left on the front lawn late one night

The high turnover rate of dockboys like Hobs and Bill Bunney

Laurette’s pet peeve: poached eggs

The excuse list

The Harlequin romance novel we started about Tanner and Tiffany

Making relish trays – usually with one too many olives

Zapping rolls and defrosting cookies in that high-tech Amana RadarRange

Setting aside empty milk cartons (paper cartons!) so we could fill them in an emergency situation

 (like when Joe was coming and we had nothing else to do, or when we wanted to see one of the dockboys)

Mixing Kool-Aid:  how many cups of water?  Do I add sugar?

Having Bobbi predict our futures with cards

Finding Butch  (Even I don’t remember what this was about any more!)

The Quartzite Trip:  In 1962, Deeter Moss was a puke.  (Mr. Drechsler, I think, gave me this to read from the high school library.  Wasn’t this book later banned or parts removed from the library?)

Making bar runs to ogle certain guys

Si and the Boys from Chicago. Allens. Smiths. The Germans from Chicago: Heinz, Walter, the 

Winters; Norths, Bevers, and Brewers from Iowa. DeFiores (Vince, the twins).  So  many others!

Extras, reggies, lunchies, and extra-extras.

Electricity outages which required the dockboys to bring up garbage cans of water from the lake

Saving labels for Doris Hautela’s refunding and cans for Laurette

The fire rules, written after a fire started in the “match can” where the cooks put the used matches after lighting the gas range..  #1: Squeeze a wash rag over it.  #2: Go for the baking soda. #3: Drop it 

in the dish water.  #4: Panic.  #5: Call the Fire Department.

Rocky vacuuming

Crew party at Laurette’s

Cookie’s (Vicki Wagner) all-time best excuse for being late to work:  Luke got a piece of candy stuck up his nose.

Carol’s favorite (disappearing) paring knives.  Pronounced Ka-niff-ees.

Breakfast trays for lazy live-ins

RV Maki’s guiding stories

The dishwasher that fell off its stand … a lot!

Washing windows.  Wearing letter jackets in August in those cool mornings!

Wiping shelves, wiping bases, wiping up after messy babies

Emptying – and forgetting to empty! – the pan below the dishwasher and the water can in the fridge

Beating the dishwasher  … Having another tray ready to go in before the last load was finished

Those lousy, rag-stealing waitresses

Rubber gloves: Carol’s pretty pink, Clare’s forever springing holes, gross green ones, trying to keep a matched pair

The space cadet wings

Emptying coffee grounds

Practical jokes: siphoning the milk out of Val’s cereal, giving her “Tracy-made” red Kool-Aid (from 

the relish tray beets jar), and water with vinegar in it

Glasses of ice water and half-eaten cookies on the window sills

The arrival of the Squaw Bay jackets (royal blue baseball-style)

Bobbi’s boyfriend John helping out in the kitchen

Serving coffee to Joe and Deputy Dave (who was also our Avon Lady)

RV’s bleary-eyed mornings

Richard coming home drunk from a fishing trip and Laurette saying, “I thought Larry didn’t drink any more.” And Richard replying in a slight slur, “Larry doesn’t drink, but his brudder does.”

The “divorcees” with the little girl who wanted to catch a fish for her friend Susie.  The mom asked, “Who?”  “You know, I brought her home for Christmas.”

The giant jig for the stuffed fish in the dining room

Jean Pipho subbing for Bobbi and keeping the plates in the steam table – ouch!

Laurette’s pancake spatula, which had to be shined to perfection

Si the Chicago fireman coming into the kitchen to hassle Laurette, and Laurette chasing him with a butcher knife

Packing shore lunches with a zip-lock bag of lard from a barrel, plus homemade sandwiches, potatoes ready to fry up, and just-in-case sandwiches

Sweeping the garage

Laurette polishing the floor in the bar with that old floor polishing machine.

The Hoky floor sweeper 

Wishing those lingering breakfast or supper people would leave already so we could vacuum the dining room

The dockboys who were "special" enough to be trusted running Joe's riding mower or running the portage

A freezer full of fish wrapped in white freezer paper with labels in black Sharpie marker

The health inspector’s on his way … move the dog dishes out of the kitchen! 

Not old enough to serve alcohol?  That’s a rule?

Bobbi Pipho Ellenberg’s additions:

Laurette trying to teach me and others how to use the floor polishing machine.  I think the machine won most of the time as it practically swung me around the bar. 

Laurette asking, “ how do they want their heggs”.  I still often refer to eggs as heggs and have to be careful not to do that when ordering in a restaurant.  Makes me think of our dear Laurette every time. 

Another Laurette-ism that I still use often is referring to anything vanilla as wanilla.  Once again, makes me remember Laurette.

I remember you (Val) climbing into the kitchen sink cupboard (upstairs) where the laundry chute was located.

I remember you and Sarah taking the bunnies for walks on leashes and the two of you commenting on how much they liked it (I think you may have been just plain wrong on that one).

The Vicky, Val and Sarah Style Show that happened every year after your school shopping trip (with Grampa Skala, in uluth) was always a fall spectacular!  The three of you darling girls parading down the stairs to show off your new clothes for anyone who was in the kitchen at the time.

Bowsie eating chocolate bars in the bar.

Sleeping in the girls cabin when we worked late and had to be back at the crack of dawn—usually with Barb Reinhardt.

Basic Shopper Metrics Help Innovators Understand a New Product’s Place in the Retail Shopping Landscape

Anyone who has taken a new CPG product through concept testing and launch will be familiar with basic measures of new product success like Trial Rate – the percent of consumers who found the product offer appealing enough to try it and Repeat Rate – the percent of triers who were satisfied enough with the product’s performance to buy it again.

Now, with the rising importance of understanding the shopper as well as the consumer, innovators have a new set of basic shopping metrics to learn. Just as an architect needs to make a new building fit into the existing landscape of roads, buildings, and green space, innovators need to understand how their new product fits within the “landscape” of the retail shopping experience. In addition, just as the architect needs to satisfy design requirements both emotional (such as a warm and welcoming entrance) and quantitative (such as rooms with specific measurements), innovators need to understand the shopper emotions* associated with high versus low values of the new shopping metrics.

Here are three basic shopping metrics that provide valuable guidance for new product designers.

· Predetermination. This is the % of shoppers who know what category, brand, and SKU they’re going to buy before they even enter the store.

o In some categories, the purchase decision is often predetermined right down to the specific SKU and number of units bought. For example, when she buys milk, Mary always buys one gallon of Dean’s fat-free.

o In other categories, shoppers are more likely to enter the store with the general category on their list, but will select the specific brand, SKU, and quantity after examining the available assortment. For example, when visiting the cereal aisle, Sue may buy anywhere from 1 to 4 boxes, selecting from a consideration set of 10 different brands, with multiple factors impacting her choice such as sales, coupons, what varieties she bought last time, and what is still in the pantry.

The level of predetermination tells us several things about the shopper’s mindset, such as whether category shoppers are more likely to be on a finding mission or a selecting mission and also the extent to which the shopper is likely to notice and be influenced by in-store marketing.

o Mary buying milk is on a finding mission and needs only a few visual cues to navigate to the milk case, the fat-free variety, and the Dean’s brand; she is likely to block out everything else in the vicinity. Emotionally, Mary wants a sense of mastery, that she can immediately find her usual products within the complexity of the store.

Research Tip: Eye-tracking research is key to determine the specific visual cues used to find the best-selling products in the category, so that you can make sure your new product has its own unique “finding” cues.

o Sue buying cereal is on a selecting mission and is more likely to notice new products, displays, sale price signs, and at-the-shelf coupons. Emotionally, selecting can become a sport, where the shopper is looking for a win.

· Category familiarity. This is defined by the combination of two metrics: % household penetration and annual purchase frequency.

o The more widespread a product’s usage is, and the more often it is replenished (e.g., milk), the more likely shoppers are to know about all of the available options and to now shop the category on “auto-pilot,” blocking out in-store marketing. If you want to interrupt the auto-pilot, you generally need to do it outside the store.

o The less familiar the category, the more information the consumer is likely to seek, and the more assistance she needs to differentiate among options. The shopper is likely to feel insecure and seek the reassurance and safety of a well-known brand name or a trusted endorser, or, lacking that, she’s likely to choose the product with the best explanation of its features and benefits. If frustrated in determining the optimal product for her needs, she may resort to choosing on price or even delay her purchase.

· Category complexity. This is defined by four numbers, typically obtained from syndicated retail sales data: the number of unique SKUs carried in a typical store; the % of SKUs that are new each year; the absolute number of unique product attributes available, such as brands, forms, flavors, colors, scents, active ingredients, package types, sizes, and price/quality tiers; and the number of highly technical attributes which are harder to understand and compare, as in health care categories and functional foods. The more complex the category, the more time a shopper generally spends on both finding and selecting, making these categories prime targets for in-store marketing investments.

o In a category with high variety complexity -- even one with high familiarity, such as canned soup -- the shopper can easily become frustrated in even the most basic finding mission. Such categories present an opportunity to improve shop-ability (leading to higher sales) and to better satisfy the shopper’s emotional need for mastery (leading to higher brand and retailer loyalty). The Campbell’s Soup IQ Mazimizer is a success story in this regard, as is their new soup label design.

o In categories with high technical complexity and low familiarity – such as many health and personal care categories – the brand with the clearest story that most strongly taps into a shopper’s emotional needs is most likely to win. Remember that you have only seconds to tell your story at the shelf, so your package’s text and imagery are crucial.

o Categories with lower complexity are often ripe for innovation in packaging and marketing. Think about how you could tap into the shopper’s emotional needs for connection with family and friends, for playtime, for self-creation.

When you put these three metrics together, you have a good starting point for understanding the landscape of a category.

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SIDEBAR:

Package fronts need to address the questions a shopper needs answered in order to make her purchase decision. For example, when buying cold medicine, the symptoms treated and the number of days of relief in the package are critical facts to the shopper. When buying family meal components, the shopper really wants to know the number of servings in the package and perhaps the prep time. How do you figure out which features are driving purchase decisions? In-store shopper observation and interviewing is the place to start, because you need to see how much time the shopper spends reading package information, what parts of the package they look at, and then capture their thoughts immediately. You get the most realistic results by talking to real shoppers in real stores. Then, to test specific executions, try one of the virtual reality shopping systems offered by vendors such as Vision Critical, Red Dot Square, Fifth Dimension, and Decision Insight. For a review of the process Campbell’s Soup used to come up with their new label design, click here. (If this link doesn’t allow you to see the full article, just Google “emotional soup shopping.”)

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* Credit to shopper marketing agency SaatchiX for defining mastery, security/safety, sport/competition, and connection as the most important shopper emotional needs in 2009. Less important but still in play are dreaming, self-creation, sanctuary, and playtime.

Can Something as Amorphous as “Shopper Engagement” and “Shopper Inspiration” Really Be Measured?

Researchers say, “yes!”

Picture in your mind your most recent shopping trip. What did you see when you first entered the store? How did that make you feel about the store? (I remember being at one grocery store and seeing a tall stack of cases of pop with no signage over it, just sitting there next to the lines of shopping carts, and thinking how empty and boring the store looked.) Now think about the rest of the store. Was there any product or display or signage that captured your interest, anything that inspired an unplanned purchase on that trip? (I remember being at a second supermarket and seeing little signs over each stack of apples describing the unique flavor of each variety. I liked that, because I want to eat more fruit but am hesitant about trying new things. I ended up buying several new varieties to try.)

Now consider these questions:

• Was there anything in the store that caught your attention and thus INFORMED you of a particular product’s existence and/or some feature/benefit of the product? That’s Shopper Marketing 1.0.
• Was there anything that ENGAGED you emotionally? That’s Shopper Marketing 2.0.
• Was there anything that INSPIRED you to act, i.e., to make a specific purchase? That’s Shopper Marketing 3.0.

As an innovator, one of the ways you can help a new product succeed is to make sure that the product packaging – and the combination of messages and visuals used in any other in-store marketing efforts -- achieves the shopper marketing 3.0 level, to not only inform the shopper about the product but to engage the shopper emotionally and inspire them to purchase.

But how can you measure something as emotional and ambiguous as engagement and inspiration? Here are four rapidly evolving techniques to consider.

· Eye Tracking in Real Stores. In 2009, the research firm Sheridan Global launched a new continuous syndicated research service dubbed the Marketing At Retail Initiative (MARI), backed by a consortium of companies that includes POPAI, 7-Eleven, ampm, Ahold/Stop & Shop, Walgreen’s, PepsiCo, McKee Foods, and Hershey’s. This service aims to create a measurement standard for shopper engagement, enabling both retailers and manufacturers to evaluate the relative effectiveness of different retail lay-outs, displays, and promotional offers. In 24 participating U.S. stores, all displays and promotional offers are photographed and databased. Participating shoppers wear glasses mounted with a tiny video camera, capturing their journey around the store and what they look at and what they touch; these shoppers also complete interviews on lifestyle, trip mission, and purchases. The data is then analyzed to learn which marketing vehicles are most effective in capturing shopper eyes, interaction (e.g., reading a package or promotional sign), and conversion to purchase. This system promises to reveal the extent to which consumers engage with different offers in a real-world setting full of complexity and distractions.

· Eye Tracking in Simulated Stores. A “simulated store” can be as simple as projecting a 2D image of a 12-foot section of store shelf onto a wall, and tracking where a consumer’s eye goes as she attempts to find a particular product. Or it can be as complex as a 3D replication of an entire store on a large computer screen, with the consumer using a steering device to “walk” through the store and “handle” products. Such methods are typically used to identify the best of several design options for a package or display.

· Neuromarketing. Companies like Sands Research and NeuroFocus use EEG or fMRI technology to monitor brain wave activity (sometimes combined with eye tracking or other techniques) to pinpoint the specific messages and images that capture and hold consumer attention, engage their emotions, and embed in memory. This technology can be employed while consumers watch video ads, handle packages, or shop in a real or simulated store.

· Facial Coding. If you’ve seen the Fox TV show Lie to Me, you are familiar with this concept. In shopper research, the typical approach is to videotape the faces of research participants while they are exposed to various marketing stimuli; this is often done in combination with eye-tracking. The video files are then analyzed to determine the degree of emotional response (if any) to each marketing stimulus. Typically, seven core emotions are recorded: surprise, happiness, fear, anger, sadness, disgust, and contempt.

Most importantly, business-building results have emerged from these leading-edge research techniques, when combined with in-depth qualitative interviews to understand why consumers are reacting to certain elements of your creative (e.g., recalling emotions of past experiences). Frito-Lay, for example, used neuromarketing research to study female brains and learned they should avoid pitches related to "guilt" / “guilt-free” and instead play up "healthy" associations. Bonduelle, a European packaged salad brand, used eye-tracking research to ensure that their new packaging enabled shoppers to find the desired item and answer decision-relevant questions more quickly, resulting in a 15% increase in sales. With both manufacturers and retailers competing for differentiation and shopper attention, these are valuable insights – and ones that are unlikely to have been found via a simple survey.

Shopper Insights for Innovation?

There was a time when innovators only talked about consumer insights, but shopper insights are now considered equally important. Important enough that Procter & Gamble, who popularized the term first moment of truth, last year introduced the term store back, meaning that any innovation must succeed at the store first and work back from there to succeed in consumer usage. So, what kind of shopper insights do innovators really need, and why, and how do you get them?

Some of the most important shopper insights are found by studying the Path to Purchase. The process that leads to a purchase is critically important to understand, but is not easy to reveal and it varies significantly by product category. Every research vendor has their own way of describing the steps, but the user-shopper-buyer cycle generally goes like this:

• Recognizing a need and deciding to look for a solution --whether that’s as simple as buying just another gallon of milk that gets poured on every morning’s cereal breakfast or as complicated as a 50-year-old studying the beauty department for ways to look younger for a special event such as wedding or job interview
• Perhaps doing some research such as reading product reviews or checking for coupons/specials
• Deciding where to shop
• Finding and considering the products available in that store
• Applying prior experience and knowledge to evaluate product claims
• Making the final decision of which item(s) to put in the cart
• Using the product(s), and either being satisfied with the solution or not
• Cycling back through the process to buy more of the same or to find a new solution as needs change

Why is this important? The innovator benefits from understanding the path to purchase in several ways.

• You understand the types of missions shoppers are trying to fulfill, which enables you to ideate ways to make it easier for shoppers to successfully complete their missions.
• You learn about features that need to be included in the product and/or package design specifications that might be crucial to the purchase decision but which would not be revealed if you were only doing consumption-oriented research. For example, the number of pieces in a bag of candy is vitally important for a mom who has to fill 30 goodie bags, and the number of rolls in a bag is critical information to the woman who is in charge of bringing the bread for a family gathering.
• You gain insights into the comparisons that shoppers make, which might cause you to change your competitive set and redefine the criteria you use to determine whether your innovation proposition is unique and superior enough to gain traction with consumers. More than one new product has done well in concept testing but failed in-store because shoppers felt the price was too high relative to nearby options.
• You identify the consumer touchpoints that directly impact shopper decisions – and most importantly, which touchpoint is the last one prior to the purchase decision – which will in turn guide your launch marketing and media decisions. For example, just prior to shopping for a moisturizer, what percent of women had researched options online, read a magazine ad, or got a coupon from the Sunday paper?

How can you get these insights? To understand the path to purchase, you need to interview shoppers pre-shopping and combine that with shopper interviews conducted in-store during or immediately after they have made a category purchase decision. Traditionally the interviewing is done by ethnographers who interview shoppers both in their homes and on actual store shopping trips, but increasingly the pre- and post-shopping interviews are done online in combination with virtual reality shopping systems. Four major suppliers are providing virtual shopping services, and you can read more about their capabilities and relative merits in this white paper. Another new approach to consider is BVI Networks’ RetailNext system, which uses in-store videocameras linked to analytic software to observe and count shoppers as they walk through each category and look at, handle, and/or buy individual items.

(side bar)

INNOVATION: Mobile Marketing and Research. By mid-2011 (just 18 months from now), about 50% of U.S. adults will have smartphones with high-speed internet access. This gives researchers a new way to overcome one of the biggest challenges of shopper insights work: the need for immediacy, to capture a shopper’s thoughts at the moment of decision. Today, shopper intercept interviewing requires high-cost interviewers and technology to be placed in a limited set of pre-selected stores. In the future, imagine a pre-recruited panel of shoppers who could answer a survey while shopping anywhere, any time.

It’s partly about facts. The path to purchase is, in part, logical and fact-based, so you want to make sure your research asks about all of the variables that shoppers might consider when making a purchase decision. For example, a shopper seeking an anti-aging solution is likely to want some scientific or visual proof of an anti-aging cosmetic’s efficacy before spending $20 or more on a solution. Click here for a checklist of variables that you’ll want to capture in your path to purchase research. But one variable has often been overlooked in innovation research, causing a product that did well in concept testing to fail in-store: the manner in which a shopper compares alternative solutions in-store. Click here to see products that did well in concept testing but failed in-store

It’s mostly about emotions. One of the leading authorities on Shopper Marketing, Andy Murray of SaatchiX, stresses that the vast majority of final purchase decisions are driven by emotions, not facts. So make sure your research goes beyond the facts and also helps you understand when, where, and how that emotional spark occurs.

5 Recommendations for the Olympics Organizers

1. Get the commentators from snowboarding to do figure skating, just to spice things up a little. Instead of the Peggy Fleming *gasp* at a competitor's mistake, we could hear a comment like, "that dude biffed." When I heard a snowboarding commentator remark "that dude went down," I had to rewind it just to make sure I heard correctly. It cracked me up!

2. Competitions like snowboard cross and the speedskating relay, where multiple competitors are going head-to-head on the same course and risk wiping each other out, are much more exciting than individuals competing for a score or time. Create more events like that.

3. Use even more computer graphics to help us compare each competitor against the "gold standard" in height, distance, form, etc. We want to be awed, but it's hard when we aren't expert enough to spot the key differences that separate the participants from the podium.

4. Update the commentators' garb and hair styles, especially Bob Costas's. The suit and tie with the Ken doll plastic-mold hair just do NOT fit with the Winter Olympics style. Maybe bring in Ralph Lauren as a consultant.

5. Speaking of Ralph Lauren, do NOT let him put hats on the American team any more. The knit caps with the moose on them? I would love to have heard the muttered remarks among the American snowboarders about those hats! Wonder what Stacy and Clinton have to say about them. Yet I hear people have been paying as much as $400 to get their hands on one of those goofy toques. I'm not one of them and I won't apologize for it. Not to mention, it was 70 degrees inside the stadium where the opening ceremony was held, yet another reason why I was very surprised how many U.S. Olympians kept the hats on. But to give credit where due, I do think Ralph did a commendable job on the snowboarder's outfit that looked like faded jeans with a plaid flannel shirt.

Review: The Best Rolling Cases for 17” Laptops

If you’re one of the many people who has chosen a larger-sized laptop, and you don’t have the strength and endurance of a Sherpa, you’ve probably been shopping for a rolling laptop case. Unfortunately, many bags on the market are not large enough to hold a 17” laptop, and those that are large enough are often too unwieldy to be carried when necessary. This makes shopping for a suitable bag a real chore.

After sorting through the features and customer reviews of dozens of bags, we finally found three great options. These three bags have met all of our criteria for size – all hold a 17” laptop yet still fit into airplane overhead compartments jets and beneath seats; ease of handling in both rolling and carrying modes; and features – all feature durable nylon fabric, zip-down front organizer pocket, padded laptop compartment, high-quality wheels, sturdy 36” telescoping handle with multiple lock-in settings, and good warranties. Only those features that vary significantly between models are called out in the descriptions below. These rolling laptop cases are well worth their price ($70-120), but shop around as prices can vary as much as $50 from one store to another. Also, be sure to confirm the model number and specifications before buying, because each manufacturer makes several similar-but-different bags with similar names.

Kensington Contour 17” Rolling Laptop Case - model 62348

• BEST FOR: ease of carrying
• Dimensions: 13” H x 17.5” W x 9.5” D

• Weight: 7.4 pounds
• Ratings: over half of 131 Amazon buyers gave this bag 5 out of 5 stars
• Body-hugging contour panel on carrying case and weight distribution system reduce shoulder fatigue by 35% when carrying
• Shock-absorbing shoulder strap resists slipping
• 4 main pockets: Zip-down front organizer pocket, quick-access pocket for travel documents; third pocket holds books/papers; fourth pocket holds laptop
• Expandable utility pockets on the sides for water bottles

Targus XL Rolling Laptop Case - model TXL717

• BEST FOR: everyday rolling
• Dimensions: 16” H x 19” W x 8.5” D
• Weight: 8 pounds
• Ratings: over half of 300 Amazon buyers gave this bag 5 out of 5 stars
• 3 pockets. Zip-down front organizer pocket; middle laptop pocket; third pocket holds books/papers
• Two removable accessory pouches for cords and small electronics

Wenger / Swissgear Patriot Wheeled Case with Removable Notebook Case – model WA-7953-02F00

• BEST FOR: travel rolling
• Dimensions: 15.5” H x 17” W x 12” D (if not overloaded, fits under airplane seats except commuters)
• Weight: 10.1 pounds
• Ratings: half of 20 Amazon buyers gave this bag 5 out of 5 stars
• Trolley strap keeps bag in place atop a rolling suitcase.
• 5 pockets. Zip-down front organizer pocket; quick-access pocket for travel documents; third pocket is a mini filing cabinet divided into three sections; fourth pocket holds the laptop (includes a removable case that only fits a 15.4” laptop and must be removed to hold a 17” laptop); fifth is a spacious overnight compartment for a change of clothes.

Still not sure which of these three rolling laptop cases is best for you? Do a web search for the brand and model number to see pictures and read reviews; Amazon and eBags are two good sites to use.

The only drawback on these three rolling laptop cases is color: they only come in black. If you must have color, check out the CalPak Persuader 2; it didn’t quite qualify for the top 3, but it does come in red, blue, orange, and green.

Christmas Greetings from the Compound

A belated Merry Christmas and best wishes for a Happy New Year!

2009 was a tough year for most of us (decline in home values, stock market drop, unemployment), but we can always find something to be thankful for, right? Here's my list of thankfuls.

1. We had no law enforcement, fire department, or EMT interactions. At least not that I know of. And not for lack of trying. Bob did go to jail once, but it was only for the grand opening of a new law enforcement facility for which he did some engineering work.
   
2. Our rodent control program continues to be quite successful thanks to the combined efforts of Moose and Bob. Notable eliminations this year included a possum and a badger.
   
3. Everyone in my family remains financially afloat and I'm the only one on the dole. The VPE index (Val's Paid Employment) continues to underperform versus year ago. Hard to believe, but I haven't found a single job-posting for a Grammar Nazi or "How to Speak Minnesotan" speech coach. On the plus side, I did become quite adept at sock and washcloth knitting and am often now able to put a three-course meal on the table all at once with little or no injury to myself and others.
   
4. Even with our depleted income, we managed to cover the cost of at least 6 unique fishing/hunting licenses and the usual quantities of new gear and ammo. We enjoyed eating a lot of fish, duck, and venison this year, too. Our firearms owned / pounds harvested ratio remains a little higher than I'd like, but since my only contribution was a couple of bass, I won't complain. For those who might be concerned, #2 does NOT overlap with #4!
   
5. Keep an eye on the news for word of the next Illinois government scandal, as I won an uncontested election for Public Library Board Trustee and was sworn in in June. I haven't yet found any opportunity to give out patronage jobs or to take bribes, but this is Illinois, so I'll do my best to uphold our state's historical standards of integrity among government officials. I am pleased to report, however, one important perk in my job: I'm exempt from paying late return fees.
   
6. Our once-25-pound cat, Fat Patrick, is now down to 23 pounds thanks to a rigorous diet and exercise program. Patrick's food was moved upstairs and he is encouraged to run the whole way up the stairs without stopping to rest. We are quite amused at his reaction to the sound of food hitting his dish without human intervention; he can move much more quickly than you would expect given his bulk. In contrast, Muffin Top eats in a Patrick-proof feeding station: a Rubbermaid tub securely fastened to a railing, with a small door cut into one end and the food dish bolted down at the back, out of Patrick-paw reach. Patent pending?
   

God bless you and keep until we meet again!

-- Val