Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Watching TV Sports with Val

Watching TV Sports with Val
I enjoy watching sports on TV with my husband, Bob. I just have a little different approach to my viewing than some people. 

I usually start by commenting on what the players are wearing. For example, have you seen the team that dresses like bumblebees? Embarassing! And some teams dress in such hideous-o colors that I feel sorry for them. And I don't always understand what they're wearing. Like, why do they let the players wear all different colored shoes?  The neon shoes are quite distracting.  I think they should all be made to wear the same plain white or black shoes. And why is that basketball player wearing Under Armour long johns under his shorts?  Wouldn’t that make him hot? Bob has no answer for this.  I’ll have to Google that, I’ll say. Even if he did have an answer, chances are  I’d probably still Google it, which often causes Bob to mutter under his breath, "Why doesn’t she just trust me?" In case you’re curious, GQ actually had a good answer for that question, you should Google it. I fecking love the Interwebs.

Once I’m done with my apparel review, I often turn to the mascots. The other night we were watching the Michigan State Spartans play.  At first, because of their logo, I thought they were the Trojans.  I mean, the helmeted warrior guy is kind of similar, no?  Bob said no, they’re from two different towns.  Where is Michigan State located, I asked?  He gave me a “look.”  Oh, you mean Troy and Sparta are different towns. Like, one’s in Italy and one’s in Greece, right? He gave me another “look.”  (You can pretty much assume there’s a “look” that follows each of my questions. This will save us all some time.)  They’re both in Greece, he informed me.  Oh, of course, Helen of Troy was Greek, riiiight.  In my head, though, I’m still thinking, "I’ll need to Google that later." BTW, while researching this, I learned that there’s a Sparta High School in Sparta, Missouri, and they are called … wait for it … the Trojans.  Apparently the school principal gets asked about this a LOT.  Anyway, if you look at the mascots for the Spartans and the USC Trojans, they’re practically identical.

Then, there’s always the question of whom to root for.  For example, when the Maryland Terrapins were playing the Michigan State Spartans, I immediately rooted against Maryland for several reasons. One, they were my alma mater Duke’s rival in the ACC and two, I think a turtle is a dumb mascot even if you try to give it a fancy name like terrapin.  A turtle’s not very scary.  Unless it’s a snapping turtle.  Is a terrapin a scary snapping turtle?  I’ll have to Google that.  Later.

I particularly enjoy asking questions about game rules and penalties.  For example, during a recent basketball game: Did that guy just flop?  (Yes, we watched some of the World Cup Soccer last summer.)  Why is the ref yelling?  Is he telling the guy to quit being such a pussy and get up and play? You know, the “no blood, no foul” rule? "That guy was tripped," Bob patiently explained. "The ref is calling a tripping penalty."  I do actually understand quite a bit about basketball, having played on the Fall Lake team in fifth grade intramurals.  Football, not so much, having grown up in the era before girls played that.  Although there was this thing called Powder Puff Football.  Is it sexist to even say that these days?  Anyway, I spent my high school years playing drums in the pep band, not paying much attention to the rules of football. My football watching runs more to comments like “whoooaa, that had to hurt” and making fun of the players’ names and hair, and wondering if the players’ wives ever joke about the guys’ panty lines in their tight uniform pants.